I knew it, I can finally wear spandex and run around the city without being called a “sexual deviant.”

Seriously though, apparently a decorated college professor actually sat down and mapped out how long it would take for a regular person to actually become batman… because he dosn’t have one of those jobs where you have “real” work… Everyone knows college professors are really just glorified babysitters…

wait…

Anyway, i think he forgot step 1: Become a Billionaire…

Wouldn’t it just be easier to become the joker? He was the best part of the movie anyway.

Article after the bump.

Sure, Batman is cool and all, but he’s a work of pure fiction, right? Well, a Canadian scientist and lifelong Batman aficionado has examined the Dark Knight’s skills and figured out how regular people could transform themselves into real-life Batmen and Batwomen. There are only six not-so-easy steps to a Bat-enhanced you. Better start training now, because it’s going to take about 20 years before you’re ready to mete out justice on the mean streets of Gotham City… or Boise.

Professor E. Paul Zehr studies kinesiology and neuroscience at the University of Victoria in British Columbia, Canada. His credentials don’t end there: he also practices martial arts and has been collecting Batman comics since he was a kid. He examined hundreds of issues of Batman comics, as well as the films, and worked out exactly what skills Batman has and what it would tale to acquire those skills in real life.

1). Train Your Brain - It takes a lot of natural mental acuity to become the World’s Greatest Detective, but you can sharpen your thinking skills with practice (and maybe a steady diet of Murder, She Wrote episodes). But Batman’s fighting skills rely on mental focus as much as physical ability. It would take years of dedicated combat and gymnastic training to develop the innate sense of body position and movement necessary.

2). Train Your Eyes - You’ll need great eyesight to pick out details at a crime scene, and a wide field of vision to track multiple opponents in a fight. It’s not like the Joker is only going to have a single henchmen. Dr. Zehr suggests working on exercises that can widen your field of peripheral vision and visual focus.

3). Eat Lots of Bread - Dr. Zehr considered Bruce Wayne’s activity level and determined that he needs to eat about 4,000 calories per day, mostly carbs.

4). Practice a Lot - All the different situations Batman deals with require a combination of strength and agility that’s almost impossible for a human to achieve. You can get one or the other, but gaining both will require a training regimen Dr. Zehr describes as, “even more varied than a decathlete’s.”

5). Buy Heavy Curtains - To fight crime all night, you’ll need to sleep most of the day in a very dark room. Otherwise your body clock will by totally screwed up, like having jet lag 24/7.

6). Punch Wooden Posts - This martial arts technique is used to strengthen the bones that take the brunt of the force when delivering Bat-punches. Might want to throw in some heavy running and jump training, so your ankles don’t snap when you drop off a three-story building.

All told, Dr. Zehr figures it would take about 20 years of training to accomplish all this (he also discusses some of the technoligical limitations we face in replicating Batman’s gadgets), and it will work best if you start during childhood. So what are you waiting for? Image by: DC.

It’s not like i forgot how to do it… Its like riding a bike…Or Street fighting…. it just happens….

Point is, i’m In Las Vegas at the moment …

at Blogworld. Its like a big convention where nerds get together and talk about how important they are…(shhh.. Most of them aren’t) There are booths and seminars and I saw one or two really depressed looking booth babes. Granted there are a few things that i am intrested in…

Becoming an internet superstar (no need, I already am)

Learning how to make money on the web (I’m a self made Internet Billionaire)

Marketing Yourself (Kanye West’s Blog and Mark Cuban’s Blog link directly to me)

Recruiting (Cuban Asked me for a Job, I told him I’d Think about it)

I flew out with Morpheoez AKA Hemmerson, We were big pimpin it up Vegas Style…. Staying at the riveara hotel…

I played Penny Slots for the first time. What a waste of time. Its like having sex without the “happy ending”. Seriously, what’s the point? I mean yeah it’s fun and all, but in the end you leave feeling like Hey, im up 8 Thousand points!!!!

…wait, thats only 8 bucks? Fuck That, i’ve been playing for 12 hours.

Then I Played Some 5 dollar Blackjack and Hold’em. In Hold’em I Kept getting royally fucked on the turn… I was getting suited EVERYting, with no help on the turn… Bad times yo… bad times. All in al, im down about 80 bucks. Not bad considering i played for quite awhike, but not great either…

Carmen Palumbo is here shooting some footage with the endless flood of nerdiness . She’s asking them about the size of their penis and if they like Missionary position or Doggy Style. Let me just say..

Hilarity Ensues.

Ill keep all of you updated because im sure EVERYone really gives a shit.

or not… stupid bloggers… everyone’s got an opinion

I’m Out

-Andrew

Sweet. Jesus.

The video is below if you want to take a look, but i could only watch it once. It made me as sad as a single native American shedding a single tear. The bitch

must have been drugged to all holy hell because she looked like crap and she wasn’t dancing so much as shuffling/being drug around the stage by the other dancers.

She was fat.

Get this, she couldn’t even keep her lips along with the tape. SHE WAS LIPSYNCHING AND SHE FAILED AT THAT.

Britney, I Have to ask you…

How hard is your life?

you are paid huge amounts of money to but look pretty and be the media puppet that sells a couple million records. Go to the gym, Take care of your “voice” try not to accidentally kill your children. I think most people can handle that kind of shit. Fuck, look at Christina Aigulara. She is Smokin hot and STILL RELEVANT.

You on the other hand, are not.

this should be a wake-up call.

…. Just Embarassing.

-Andrew Leon

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihH6TpxPcRI]

and I came to the conclusion that I hate P. Diddy.

Look,

I Know he was Friends with Biggie..

I know he has released a ton of Solo CD’s

I know he drives a Diet Pepsi Truck…

But I Fucking Hate P. Diddy.

The man has a HUMOUNGOUS Ego, He has Soiled Biggie’s Name and He is a Negative influence on Hip-Hop Music.

First and Foremost, He is, is a businessman who has made a Career of exploiting black culture and perpetuating racial stereotypes. He thinks that he is black Jesus and it gets really old, really quick.

Secondly, If you work for Diddy… you are basically his bitch. His Choreographer got is a scuffle with him and out of nowhere, he explodes on her and things escalate because…. Hey… Im diddy… I’m Always right. I AM the bad boy Family. All Hail my skinny ass.

Third, he is still making records using biggies name…. Now correct me if i’f wrong, But isn’t diddy dead? Aren’t his vocal chords out of commission? Then WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU RELEASING ALBUMS FOR? there is one reason and one reason only.

To make money off of his dead friend.
Martyrdom really makes people open their wallets.

Diddy makes me vomit in my mouth a little…

HOWEVER. Dave Chappelle’s Parody of Diddy makes me Laugh my ass off.

Check the video below

http://youtube.com/watch?v=MTHF7zVcjHU

Im one of the 5 greatest Bloggers of all time

Andrew….

Andrew

Andrew

Andrew and Andrew

Because i WRITE Hot Fire

-I’m Out

The cancellation is the latest in a series of bad events for Kelly Clarkson, who has been struggling in advance of the release of her third album, My December. On Tuesday, she split with manager Jeff Kwatinetz amid continuing tension with her label over the darker, more rock-oriented direction she chose for December, on which Clarkson co-produced and wrote or co-wrote all the songs, despite protests from label head Clive Davis.

Now I was never much of a Kelly Clarkson fan, but you would have to have been living under a rock to not know her and her story. The woman took American Idol By storm and was one of the few artists who transformed a successful Amerian Idol Showing into a real life music career. Looks Like She’s going through a bit of a tough time right now, but I’m confident that she will pull through.

I’m Out

-Andrew “Aleon” Leon

Bob Teixeira decided it was time to take a stand against U.S. dependence on foreign oil.

So last fall the Charlotte musician and guitar instructor spent $1,200 to convert his 1981 diesel Mercedes to run on vegetable oil. He bought soybean oil in 5-gallon jugs at Costco, spending about 30 percent more than diesel would cost.

His reward, from a state that heavily promotes alternative fuels: a $1,000 fine last month for not paying motor fuel taxes.

He's been told to expect another $1,000 fine from the federal government.

And to legally use veggie oil, state officials told him, he would have to first post a $2,500 bond.

This is horrible. It's stories like this that make me think…. damn…. maybe all the propaganda is real. Maybe the oil companies really are pulling strings to keep America on the Needle… AKA gasoline. Its sickening what money can do to people. 

Point is, The govbernment should be encouraging people like Bob Teixeira, not fining him Five grand…. In thwe words of GW Bush, America is addicted to oil…. and the government intends to keep it that way…

Watch "Who Killed The Electic Car"

at the very least, it raises some intresting questions

at the most, it will make you want to go cold turkey on oil companies…..

I'm Out

-Andrew "Aleon" Leon 

She had a total death wish and took more drugs and drank more than anyone I’ve met. I lost count of the times I thought she was overdosing and had to carry her out of parties. Every morning I’d breathe a sigh of relief she was still alive.

She used boys for drugs and girls for thrills. I lost count of the women she took back to her Hotel Room fom clubs.

I even saw her try to grope Mariah Carey’s bottom and boobs one night as they danced. One time I went to look for her in a club bathroom and found her in the corner French-kissing a girl.

Nobody was as wild as Lindsay. But Nicole came close. Sometimes Paris Hilton would be there but the most I saw her do was drink and strip. One night Lindsay and Nicole were making trip after trip to the bathroom — she wouldn’t snort in front of me because she knew I’d get mad. But the more wasted they got the less she cared. In the end they carried in a mirror from the bedroom, laid it on the coffee table and emptied a mountain of coke onto it. They went at the stuff with straws, hoovering it all up then piling more on. I tried to tell Lindsay to stop but she just told me it was cool. After ten hours I’d had enough and threatened to throw the mirror out of the window. I had to carry her out to the car.

Bitch is crazy

-Aleon

Ten Years ago, The Ben Folds Five would have been headlining and John Mayer would have been been on the undercard… but alas,
Ben folds broke up with his band, and now, he's stuck playing to 40 something suburban moms who love the song "your body is a wonderland" and think john mayer is really super cute.

In the words of the late Notorious B.I.G. Things Done Changed…..

Let me start with something that should be obvious by now…. I don't really like John Mayer.

Sure the dude has some catchy singles , He's a good looking cat and he knows how to play Guitar…  his voice is mellow…. he.. um, some other stuff. He's personable..

The thing is, in my eyes, any record label could make a John Mayer. Find some cute kid who has a decent voice. Put him in a bunch of voice classes, Have a guitar legend teach him to play some nu-jazz solo's and Voila,

John Mayer. No Personality, No Edge, No Flair, No Story, Boring lyrics about generic love crap that could have been written by anyone.

And then Ben Folds. I like Ben Folds. He plays the piano. How many people make Pop Music on a piano? He's Been Doing it for 10 years… He's Not particularly attractive, but thats good, his focus is on the music. He's Smart as hell and Plays a mean set. He Covered Dr. Dre and the postal service. He's Entertaining.

The most exciting thing John Mayer did was jump up and down while he played guitar and make stupid faces.

Ben Played an electronic synthesizer with his feet while he was banging on the piano. In the middle of a song, he got on top of said piano and started dancing. He talked to the crowd. He said the word Sharted….. The man can entertain.

There were times when he insulted the audience and nobody would get the insult because its freakin john mayer fans…. 

Allz I'm sayin' is that Ben folds kicks ass and if you have never listened to his stuff before, he's definitely worth the ten dollars it would take to buy a CD and become a fan. 

 Bitches ain't shit

I'm out

-Andrew "Aleon" Leon 

 [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KI78874qbU]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_N3CK-6CHk] 

1. of the bajillion shows ive ever been to, this has got to be one of the most surreal.

first, its ben folds with john mayer. that, to me, is like a wet dream line up. y'all know how much i go gay for the two.

then — at the bowl?

ben folds, the guy that played theatres here in la to hard core dork fans like myself, was playing for nearly 30,000 people. and the girlfriend and i were the only ones singing in the 4 mile radius.

it was also surreal hearing everyone say, 'okay, is the first guy ben fold or was that the second guy?'

clearly mayer's demographic does not listen to ben folds. but thats coo' because they were respectful.

ben. by himself for half the set. playing BFF songs. at not only the greatest sounding outdoor venue ive ever been to, but a venue that i never thought id see him in solely because the general public do not give him a chance.

surreal. so surreal. had to tell everyone about it.

last polka! at the fucking BOWL!

 

 

 

2. Bitches was played, he tried to get everyone to sing at the end and NO ONE was singing. so he just got on top of the piano and danced way to long to make it even more uncomfortable for everyone. then said he had chills from all the singing, like he was at live 8 and everyone was singing at the same time to the same song. it was hilarious. i really think he hates these people. he later thanked everyone for making hime feel like a "misunderstood musical genius since music is so accessible these days and it just went over everyones head."
awesome.

 

 

3. I haven't been involved with any of the Ben Folds communities for some time…used to post over at .com. Got kind of turned off by it after a while. Whatever. But after the 6/9 show at Hollywood Bowl, I felt like…well, I had to say something.

Anyway, this was definitely not a dream match. I got tickets to the concert as a college graduation gift. The Hollywood Bowl is a huge venue, which is fine. What wasn't fine were the John Mayer filling the venue. A lot of very rude, very disrespectful John Mayer fans.

I loved the humor that Ben used. The insults were over all of their heads. (BTW, to the person who said he and his girlfriend were the only ones singing along within a 4 mile radius, I was probably 5 miles away or something, but I promise, I was singing along too.) But I had to focus on Ben a lot more than I usually do at a show, and not just because of where I was seated (which is relatively close for the Hollywood Bowl, but really far from the stage when compared to past shows I've been to.) From my seat in section D, I had to contend the entire time with a lot of very rude John Mayer fans who would not SHUT UP. They continued talking loudly. To make matters worse, as soon as Ben was done, a whole bunch of them started talking s— on Ben (is there a swear filter here?) Normally I don't cause problems, but again, they wouldn't SHUT UP. Finally, I stood up, displayed my Ben shirt, and said "listen, if you don't like the music, that's fine. Please, I came here with an open mind, I'm not really a John Mayer fan, but this isn't a competition, it's a concert. I'm just here to have a good time and you folks are spoiling it." Some lady gave me crap about how she paid for her ticket. I said "yeah, I paid for mine, too. I paid to hear Ben, not to hear people verbally abuse his music."
The point is, whoever thought this would be a good match for a tour is probably about as dense as the Mayer fans who's heads Ben's incredibly witty insults went flying over. "Nobody pays attention to the lyrics." Sadly Ben, I have to agree. Apparently, they don't pay attention to much of anything.
Props to whoever I saw on the boards earlier making the comment about "Wonderland" and daring a parent to explain that one to their kids.
I'm out…we'll see if I post again. I usually get tired of such things.

P.S. Why am I pissed off right now that I'm looking at Google Ads on this page and there's one for free John Mayer music? Oh yeah…because his fans who don't get Ben are little whiny wussy 13 year old girls who are upset because Ben isn't "smokin' hot" and doesn't sing like a pretty little pedophile and bitter middle-aged women who are upset because they paid the same amount I did for my ticket and yet are 3 rows back (and are upset because Ben isn't "smokin' hot" and doesn't sing like a man who's looking to have a mid-life crisis with them even though he's getting divorced.)

Okay. NOW I'm spent.

 

 man… Ben folds fans are bitter.

-Aleon

Every time he gets on stage the entire internet is waiting on their toes….

Begging for the next bit of innovation, the next morsel of cool, the next big thing. Well as of now, were all still waiting for the iphone… BUT in the meantime, all windows users….

 rest assured….Apple is comming for you. Nobody gets left behind.

Steve Jobs has JUST announced that Safari will be coming over the the Windows OS. Appple is gunning for world domination, and if your gonna attack your enemy, why not go for the juggular…. Lets face it, IE sucks… Big time.

When this is released, i recommend that you download it. It's more secure, its faster, and it will have much cooler features.

you know… like all mac stuff

"I'm Out 

-Andrew "Aleon" Leon